She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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