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i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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