So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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