Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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