I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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