he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize