apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
smell my finger.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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