The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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