I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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