I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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