i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
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Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Damn victory sex feels great
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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