His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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