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I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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