he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize