My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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