i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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