you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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