So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Drunk is not a location!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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