Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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