Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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