You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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