Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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