he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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