tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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