I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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