We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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