I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I still have a little drunk in my system
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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