pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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