So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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