I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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