I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize