just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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