I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize