If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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