Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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