I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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