Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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