I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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