The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize