I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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