After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize