It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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