I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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