I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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