What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize