Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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