In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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