My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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