Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You smell like stripper and shame
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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