Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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